Of Gray Stones and New Perspectives: A Personal Experience as a Holistic Psychological Coach

As a Holistic Psychological Coach, I often face and feel comfortable with the challenge of finding tools and methods that help my clients overcome their inner obstacles and tap into their full potential. But sometimes, life itself surprises us with unexpected lessons and new perspectives - like a recent experience at my best friend’s wedding that taught me more than I could have anticipated.

Last weekend, I had the incredible honor of co-leading the wedding ceremony of my best friend alongside the groom’s brother. I was entrusted with conducting the wedding ritual and giving a speech. For many people, this might seem like a wonderful task, which it undoubtedly was. But for me, it was also a huge challenge. Speaking in front of a crowd doesn’t come easily to me, and the responsibility of playing a central role on such a meaningful day filled me with both excitement and a fair amount of nervousness.

Despite my anxiety, I gladly took on the challenge because I love the couple, wanted to make them happy and was deeply honoured. As a coach who uses body-centered methods, I knew I had the tools to help myself overcome this nervousness. I prepared as best as I could, and gradually, my initial fear turned into excitement. But one thought kept nagging at me: How was I going to keep from crying during my emotional speech? While I fully support letting emotions flow freely (I am a Holistic Psychological Coach who works with body-centered practices nevertheless), I wanted to be able to get through my speech without breaking down in tears as I could not continue talking when crying.

In my uncertainty, I reached out to a dear friend who works as a presenter, host and DJ and asked for his advice. He suggested that I imagine a gray stone - nothing too ugly, but also not particularly beautiful - under a gray sky during my speech. And sent me a picture of a grey stone. At first, I thought he was joking. I responded with a laugh, drew some flowers on the stone he sent me (“it’s a wedding, it should at least be a little bit pretty”), and sent the picture back to him. He didn’t comment on that. But sent me another picture of a slightly nicer, but still gray, stone. I started to believe him. 

So, I decided to give his tip a try. And to my surprise, it actually worked. Imagining the gray stone helped me ground myself and gave me the stability I needed to avoid breaking down in tears. It even helped the bride! I incorporated the image of the stone into my printed speech, found a small stone to keep in my blazer, and touched it before and throughout the ceremony to calm myself. 

After the ceremony, I thanked my friend and told him how much his advice had helped. To my astonishment, he started laughing and confessed that it had all been a joke! We laughed together, but I couldn’t help but reflect on what this experience truly meant.

My takeaway? Sometimes, you don’t need a complex or traditional approach to support yourself in challenging situations. It’s about finding what works for you - and that might be something unconventional, simple, or even unexpected. In the world of wellness, therapy and coaching, we’re often bombarded with countless tips and techniques that can sometimes feel overwhelming. But instead of pressuring ourselves to do everything “right,” we should allow ourselves the freedom to explore and experiment. Not every method will work for everyone, and that’s perfectly okay.

All of these are options: a repertoire of tools that you can browse through, try out, experiment with, and discard if they no longer serve you, so that you can decide what personally works best for you. And sometimes, something works for a while, but then you suddenly need something different. 

And the gray stone showed me that sometimes, even just believing in a method is enough to make it effective. And perhaps that’s where the greatest wisdom lies: being open to new perspectives and willing to take new paths.

As a coach, I’ll continue to offer tools and methods, but more importantly, I encourage everyone to find what personally resonates with them at any given time. After all, it’s this individual, creative process that truly helps us grow.